Happy Valley. Absolute Shit Show. Beaver Stadium, second most seating capacity in college football. First time I visited, I remember being hung over Saturday morning, not knowing what to expect for the Ohio State game. Started of with a breakfast sandwich, which is FUCKING necessary. A coffee; JK fuck coffee, fruit punch gatorade. If you think there is something better, you’re doing life wrong, like Jerry.
I visited Penn State to see a close friend, as we are the opposite sex and both enjoy sporting events, thats hard to find. She is proud Nittany Lion and I credit her helping with this post, except for the one incident when I visited which I will get in to later. (Women don’t understand technology)
First thing I want to mention before we get in to all of this, we all know what happened. We don’t need to be reminded of what happened. As everyone now is saying “fuckin Nick, yea we know what happened you fuck” I do need to say this. Regardless of what you think of Joe Paterno, the guy was a football guy. Period. He changed the game at Penn State. Not to mention College Football in general. He passed away at 85, less than two months after being dismissed for you know what. I’m not getting in to it, but I feel like his statue being taken down, has started a trend since, everyone is mad at everyone these days. Fuckin 2017, grow up.
1775: “Give me Liberty, or give me Death”
2017: “Give me what I want or I’ll protest and cry”
What the fuck America?
Back to TAILGATING:
State College, PA. ahhh. First time I visited, I turned a corner with my friend, there was a handgun (HANDGUN, REAL) on the corner of the street, just laying there, like it fell out of someones jeans. Two guys at the SAME time walked by talking about how hot Miley Cyrus is (this was in 2009) and someone was blasting spice girls in their van on the same corner. I. WAS. CONFUSED. But she convinced me, it was going to be ok. This is Penn State, it has to be. SHE. WAS. CORRECT.
We rolled up to a Fraternity, I was in awe. Frat houses in State College, look like Medieval Castles. I mean absolute monstrosities. They spend their parents money on 7000 beers and wont pay $50 for ice. All good, Im a Bud Light guy, so I wasn’t intrigued by the warm keystone lite, unlike my companion, sophomore college chick at a frat, warm beer is like sitting at home drinking boxed wine, watching Netflix at the age of 30 alone. Satisfying as fuck.
I asked her where I can buy beer. “Two blocks down the road at the Holiday Inn” she said. Sold. I roll up, confused why there were no 24 packs, as I am a dude. Actually not even that, I’m in a college town. I get to the register with a 12 pack and 6 pack of ICE COLD Bud Lights. I am then told to purchase each separately, then take one of the purchases outside the store, to purchase the second. I look at the cashier confused, I am a legal 21 year old American, I can purchase as many beers as I want, especially when I saw a bunch of Frat guys roll up with 7000 WARM beers, I cant buy 18 beers to see the light of day, I comply. I get back to complain to my friend the situation I was in, that I never dealt with before. She then starts to state how the state of Pennsylvania ABC works, as I start to chug multiple beers slowly starting to understand the worst alcoholic beverage control laws in the US of A.
WHAT TO DO WHEN IN HAPPY VALLEY:
Campus: Check this place out. It’s insane. So much history and the campus is beautiful. GameDay will be set up on Old Main. It should be cleared out by Sunday afternoon when you finally knock the cobwebs off, I would check it out. The Lion Shrine, self explanatory, pretty cool to check out live. The last is The Arboretum, you know, nature shit. Great place to get back to neutral before the activities that will partake in your Saturday debauchery.
The Deli: Who doesn’t want to roll to a place called, The Deli. I’m rolling in here making sure my back is to the wall and my eyes on everything. AKA the food that people are ordering, this isn’t the 1920s and don’t have a track record. Looks like an iconic place you NEED to visit when you roll to town this weekend.
Mad Mex: My last couple blogs have had Mexican restaurants mentioned. So this is a given. Who doesn’t want a margarita on a weekend getaway? Or Tacos? Or Tequila and Tacos? Has a Patio and a Bar. Seriously, tacos, drunk, and weekend. Don’t know a better match made in Heaven.
Cafe 210 West: Known for their Twisted Teas. I am a fan of the half and half twisted tea brand. I feel like John Daly when I have one. Who wouldn’t want to feel like John Daly at least once in their life? Patio along with the occasional live band, I would check this place out.
Allen Street Grill: This is your Friday night spot. A little upscale, steak place. I always love a great meal before Saturday GameDay. If you want to lay low, and grab a buzz and a phenomenal dinner, make a reservation.
Breakfast Spots: (Possible new topic on the blog)
DOWNTOWN will be crazy, especially with GameDay in town against the Wolverines.
Pro TIP from MG: Grabbing a coffee (remember FIND A GATORADE, will change your morning, grab coffee if you want, Jerry) and breakfast sandwich at Mclanahans. Avoiding lives at Irvings (bagel place) sit down and sit down diners like the Waffle Shop. (Different from Waffle House people, have another.)
Afternoon Game Bars:
Primanti Brothers: From a restaurant out of Pittsburgh, that replaced GMan (a beloved PSU bar) SHOUTOUT…I would check this place out, not only for it’s history, but if you don’t have a place to tailgate? Why not?
Champs: Brand NEW! Best TV set up in town. There are bars all over the country called Champs, but this I believe is independently owned which is always better. Probably a great spot to cover your bets during the afternoon.
Phyrst: Umm…. Order the Fries. If someone I trust with my life, tells me to go to a bar, not a restaurant, to order fries, you better believe I will order fucking fries before I order a drink. BELIEVE IT.
The Den: Sounds Awesome. The Den. Great DJ and grind session you want to get on with a rando, your wife, significant other and/or personal favorite beverage. You know what you like when you drink, you’ll be sure to stop in here for a quick drink or grind session for sure.
The Skeller: Im intimated, one of the OLDEST bars in State College. If you’re visiting, you have to stop by. If you don’t, thats like going to church and praying for the devil. It just doesn’t make sense. There isn’t a point of being there. There is a reason it’s one of the longest tenured bars in State College. Visit, get drunk and have the time of your life.
Liberty Craft house: Craft Beers. I get it, America is switching over to craft beers and not buying the originals anymore. I am a fan of IPAs, trust me! But if it wasn’t for Budweiser, these fuckers wouldn’t even be around. As much as I love a double IPA, sometimes I want an ice cold Budweiser. Support the local breweries, but remember, they wouldn’t have shit if it wasn’t for Anheuser-Busch. RESPECT.
Ok, to finish up this Harry Potter book of a blog, I will explain my situation when I visited. The girl I was visiting wasn’t feeling like going out after Ohio State beat them in town, so she asked if it was ok to watch football on their sorority owned TV and relax. I said sure no problem, I probably shouldn’t keep drinking. (I continued obviously). She then continued to explain that there was a black box blocking half of the TV screen and its been like this for a year and a half, they’re working to replace the TV soon.
IT WAS THE CLOSED CAPTION BOX, YOU HIT MENU THEN OFF.
Apparently according to her, I could have had some fun with a few of her female friends because of the magical act I performed on the television that is also called, common sense. Due to GameDay festivities, I was never able to partake. I then became a legend at the sorority but also a mystery to most of them.
This was one of my favorite campuses to visit, through and through. If you get a chance, you wont be disappointed.
Have fun, lets see where GameDay takes us next weekend.
Nick Stan TTT