J M U…..DUUUUUUUUUUKKKESSSSSS
So. Many. Emotions. I am currently depressed, I didn’t post last night, because if you’re anywhere near the Nations Capital, you know what happened. Fuckin Weiters, and Gio threw a fuckin wild pitch like he was la loosh in Bull Durham. Fuck. Live look at me during the entire game last night below.
JMU, football is #1 again and sits on top of the D1-AA world. Does this give them credibility to make it to D1-A? Not so sure, probably not. I’m still waiting for them to call up Nick Saban, and say “You a Bitch, come to Harrisonburg and we’ll show you what it means to Roll Tide.” Now I hate Alabama, trust me, I’d rather have a couple root canals and a vasectomy at the same time than root for that fuck. If he ever brought the Tide to Harrisonburg, JMU would become the new Appalachian State. He’d likely make some excuse about not listening to the right Rolling Stones song, but fuck it. Can’t wait till he and Bama get exposed, Pitino style. (Way too much shit talking on a team that we’re supposed to not be focusing on) Fuck Alabama.
Sorry rant over, but seriously, fuck Saban.
Ok, I’ve been to H-Burg a handful of times. Whoa, hope you like drinking, eating, and intercourse (its 2017 so whichever side you hit from is fine…but I strongly recommend staying with or switching to women at least on this campus, HOLY HOTTIES). Stay ON the sidewalks people, this is if you’re getting lit at a house party which is what JMU is known for. They hand out Drunk in Publics like Radford hands out STDs. So while on campus and around the Football Stadium, everything needs to be in a cup and nothing visible. Harrisonburg Police and ABC, like to ruin everyone’s weekend because they didn’t get laid in college, and had to pay for ass. I’m PRO cop but, come on, this is college and unless you see someone passed out naked, I’m pretty sure they’ll be ok.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL HARRISONBURG POLICE: GIVE THE FUCKING COLLEGE KIDS A BREAK. IF YOU FEEL LIKE SOME GIRL (or guy, fuckin 2017 bullshit) IS GETTING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, ASK IF THEY NEED HELP, IF NOT, SAY GOOD LUCK. THEY WERE GOING TO DO IT ANYWAYS. No one likes a “copblock.” See what I did there?
Wish more college cops were like this guy:
Alright, You get to Harrisonburg, let’s get down with what to do!
QUAD: The GameDay bus shows up 5:30pm Thursday night (probably after this is posted) not going to be as crowded, if you want a picture with the BUS, I would show up. The bus is pretty cool and the bus driver is a stud. Ask him the best person (Bill Murray) and worst person he’s met (I’ll let him reveal that). Classic! (Post Thursday, BUS will be down by the QUAD so check it out!)
Campus: Exit 245 off of I-81 South. You can’t miss it, if you do, you’re blind and shouldn’t be behind a wheel. Get down to the main campus, absolutely beautiful, another staple in Virginia. 4th President of the United States of America, Greatest Country in the World. Founding Father, has a University named after him and it’s only an hour and a half away from OUR Nation’s Capital. Trust me, check this place out. It will not disappoint. Make sure to grab some purple gear, I’m sure you forgot something, you forgetful fuck!
Probably hard to do because of GameDay: John C. Wells Planetarium: They have shows on Saturday, which obviously you’ll be drinking for the game. BUT if not, check this place out, who doesn’t ever think about Space? Area 51, REAL. Aliens, REAL. Simple fact, we can’t see more than 3% of our galaxy, that reaches to Pluto, WAY THE FUCK out there. Would take like 76,000 years to get to, and tha’ts 3% away. Carry the ONE people.
Restaurants: JMU is off a major Highway, there is more if you look around, I’m giving some better suggestions than McDonalds, hint: Tilted Kilt……… But for more regular suggestions:
Top Pick: Jack Browns: You like burgers? Get your ass here! I recommend the Shocker! Great Beer selection along with freshly cooked burgers, you cannot go wrong. Take my word for it. 2nd on the list, the Elvis…don’t let the peanut butter scare you, fucking delicious.
Local Chop & Grill House: You want steak for dinner before the big game on Saturday, this is where you want to eat. Dining room is open after 5pm, which means they’re legit. Don’t need you lunch fucks. Great drinks, money steaks, and football! Come out, but good luck getting a table.
Campus Food: Top 10 in the country, if you’re son or daughter goes to JMU, they will know which spots are the best, but if its top 10? Rack up that Campus Card, then get drunk and blame it on your child, including your miserable marriage.
Daves Taverna: DRUNK FOOD. Who doesn’t want drunk food? Pretty much come here for the whole time, or just a beer and some munchies, if you want this in the morning, you’re a rookie. Place to watch the game as well but like I said, usually a one and done thing if you want food!
Benny Sorrentinos: Pizza, 28”. Slice is 14”. Simple easy and gets the job done! Beers as well, or Diet Dr. Pepper, personal favorite, with a swig of an IPA.
Billy Jacks Wing and Drink Shack: You want to get drunk, come here. I mean, it’s the ultimate college dive bar. I had great memories here, I’ve been sober, and drunk here. Yea, imagine that night…..I’m talking about the sober night, worst night of my life. You want to be sober and come to a college town, church is on Sunday Morning, go see a movie.
Clementines: I remember this place…… On second thought, I remember fucking nothing, other than being told I was in this bar the entire night. If that doesn’t help with what the situation here, you shouldn’t be drinking, or doing such things…… as life in general.
Finigans Cove: Umm, just a college bar, go here if you never got laid in college and want see what you could have been. I feel bad for you, but it’s a popular place, and if you’re over the age of 25, I’m assuming you’d rather be here than at a block party with no one you know and everyone under the age of 25, but I guarantee you, the scene will be better at the block party, by a mile and a half, sorry bro!
You know this place is tits (literally) for GameDay to be at the Quad for the 2nd year in a row. I suggest heading to the Quad and set up your tailgate early, the atmosphere will be poppin! Everyone will be in good spirits!! If you’re there, bring enough beer, ice and food! Water is optional. (JK, bring water, actually being serious for once). Have fun and enjoy Harrisonburg, it’s never let me down!
Fuck the spread, put your money on the Dukes, or DC sports to never make a conference championship for the next 45 years. Then let it ride, you’ll be rollin like Warren Buffett.
Thanks guys, see you all next week!
Nick Stan TTT
P.S. Fuck Alabama, and DC Sports, till like April.